


Not Jealous

by kei_rin



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-27
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:36:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kei_rin/pseuds/kei_rin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric and Ryan eventually get together. Eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Jealous

He wasn't jealous. He was, if anything, disappointed- yes disappointed was the right word- in Eric and Boa Vista for their unprofessional behavior in the lab. He was not jealous. There wasn't even anything to be jealous over. Who Eric flirted with was none of his business. Ryan just thought Eric shouldn't be doing that in the lab. Not jealous. Who was he trying to kid anyway? 

Working with Eric after that was an exercise in restraint. He wanted to say something about it but he knew that if he started that he would end up giving something away to Eric. He ended up talking about it anyway while they were going over that company blog. Somehow Ryan managed to explain his actions away by pretending that it was Boa Vista he was jealous over and not Eric. Because he wasn’t jealous over someone he would never have; it was just stupid to get jealous over Eric.

After the case was wrapped up, Ryan went home and continued to try to pretend to himself that he wasn't jealous over his co-worker. Finally Ryan decided that it was enough; he wasn't going sit there and pine after someone who he was never going to get. So he did the only thing that made sense to him right then: he changed clothes and decided to hit the clubs tonight. He didn't usually do this during the work week but today he needed a distraction.

~*~*~  
Eric hadn't been to a gay night club in a long time. He didn't have any reason to go recently. Why on earth he had agreed to come to one now with Natalia Boa Vista, his sometimes girlfriend, of all people was beyond his comprehension. He didn't get why she was insisting on going to one in the first place but he didn't push the matter; if he played his cards right, maybe, the night wouldn't be a waste. 

The night club, called The Forum, was much like any other; dominated by a dance floor that was distinguished by Greek pillars surrounding it. The bar was at the far end of the room, so if a person wanted to get a drink when they came in, they had to walk through the dance floor. The sides of the room had little alcoves that gave the people sitting in them a sense of privacy, furthered by the fact that some of them were hidden behind pillars. Prefect make-out spots, Eric thought. 

The night wasn't that bad; Eric was surprised how many times he got hit on that night. At least Natalia found that amusing. Last time Eric went out to a place like this he flirted right back with the men who actually came up to him but this was different. He felt uncomfortable just flirting, which was most definitely not him. He couldn't put his finger on what made this time so different, in the end he just assumed it was because he was there with Natalia. 

After about an hour or two, Natalia finally decided that she wanted to go somewhere where the hot guys would hit on her for a change and Eric was more than glad to agree to leave. But before they left Natalia, invariably, had to use the restroom. That's when Eric saw him. 

He almost called out Ryan's name but stopped himself when he realized what he looking at. Ryan Wolfe was on the dance floor, wearing a blue tank that showed off his well toned upper body and a pair of jeans that should have been illegal given how much, or how little as the case maybe, they left to the imagination. Just looking at Ryan wearing that was enough to make Eric's mind start a complete and thorough evaluation of the sex appeal of Ryan Wolfe. But it didn't stop there, oh no. The way Ryan moved that body of his in time to the fast, Latin-inspired dance beat pounding through the club's sound system was causing Eric's body to do a bit of evaluating of its own accord. 

This was most definitely not the Ryan Wolfe that Eric Delko worked with almost everyday. Or maybe it was, and Eric was just too blind to notice. 

Eric's mind, which had temporarily shut down at the sight of his co-worker on the dance floor, started a very slow reboot; giving Eric enough time to soak in the image of Ryan on the dance floor. He was starting to debate with himself on whether or not he should go over there when someone beat him to it. 

Eric could feel himself getting jealous as he watched Ryan dance with the stranger. Which in turn made him get upset at himself; he wasn't supposed to get jealous over Ryan. It wasn't his business who Ryan danced with, somehow telling himself that wasn’t making it easier to watch the two of them. 

It was then, while Eric was fighting with his jealousy, that Natalia came back. Couldn't she have taken longer? Weren't women supposed to be notorious for taking forever in the restroom? 

She was about to ask him if he was ready to leave when she glanced over in the direction that Eric was looking in. 

"Is that Ryan?" She asked incredulously. 

"Sure looks like him." Eric said in a tight voice. The stranger's hands were now ghosting over Ryan's clothing, down his waist and hips. 

Natalia gave Eric a patronizing look, completely misunderstanding the reason for what seemed like anger in his voice. 

"You really should stop being so hard on the man." She said. 

Eric wasn't about get into an argument with Natalia over Ryan so he settled for a non-committal shrug. 

"Should we go?" He asked, eager to get out of there and away from Ryan and his dance partner. 

She grinned at Eric, ignoring the question. "Can you just imagine how he would react if he knew we were here?" 

He didn't want to know and he was spared form answering when she turned back to intently watch Ryan. 

"I’ll have so much fun teasing him about this tomorrow."

This was torture. This was cruel and unusual punishment. The man's hands were all over Ryan, Ryan was allowing it, and Natalia insisted on staying for blackmail material. This was torture and not the fun kind. 

Eric knew this could easily turn into something bad. Either Natalia was going to want to call Ryan over, or Ryan would see the two of them, or, the worst of all, Eric would let his unexpected jealously get a hold him and go over there to punch out that stranger's lights. But before any of that could happen, Eric's emotions were once again given a swift and painful kick.

The stranger pressed his luck with Ryan and bent down to say something in Ryan's ear. The two of them stopped dancing and Ryan gave the man an appraising look. After a second Ryan leaned over and replied, and then he took the man's hand and led him through the crowd over to one of alcoves. They weren't even all the way in one of alcoves when the man's hands once again started roaming over Ryan's body; the intentions of those hands were very different from when they were on the dance floor and very clear. 

Natalia's laughter brought Eric out of the state of shock that he found himself in. Eric never realized how many assumptions about Ryan he had made. He had thought of Ryan as someone who wouldn't do the club scene and the one night stands the way that he did, but here Ryan seemed to be doing just that. It appeared Eric didn’t know Ryan Wolfe at all and he didn't see what Natalia found so funny about this. 

At least she was willing to leave after that. Eric was sure he couldn't handle anymore of that. They went to another club after that; Eric suspected that he wasn't as much fun as normal, though. For while part of his mind tried to put the whole thing aside, another part kept bring up images of Ryan at inopportune moments; images of Ryan as he danced, of his back as he led that total stranger to one of those alcoves, even perfectly innocent images of Ryan as Eric knew him from work. Just a small lull in what was going on around him was enough to bring up those images and a myriad number of emotions that Eric had somehow tied to the man without noticing. 

Eric ended the night earlier then he intended to. He saw Natalia to lobby of her apartment and didn't take her up on her offer to spend the night. What ever it was between them was cooling down into a type of companionable friendship anyway.

~*~*~  
Eric didn't usually remember his dreams, if he dreamt at all. But that morning, when he woke up, he remembered his dream very clearly. 

It wasn't the night club that Natalia had insisted on going to that night. It was another one that he went to more often, the place was familiar and it made him feel far more at ease. The music that was playing was a familiar Cuban beat which was slower then the fast dance beat playing last night. It could have been real if it wasn't for the fact that the only people there were him and Ryan. 

In his dream, Ryan never actually said anything. Ryan just looked directly at him with a warm smile on his face that Eric had never seen directed at him. Ryan walked up to him and ran one hand down Eric's arm and took a hold of his hand. Eric tried to suppress a shiver at the intimate, yet very innocent touch as Ryan led him into the middle of the dance floor. Just like in the club, Eric found the way Ryan moved to the beat captivating. He looked up into dream Ryan’s eyes and found himself forgetting to breathe. He started to wonder why it took a dream for him to realize just how green those dark eyes of Ryan's really were. 

Eric's thought process was derailed when he felt Ryan's clothed body press against his own. Ryan swayed with the slow rhythm of the music and Eric couldn't help but move as well in order to keep his body pressed against Ryan's. Even if it was a dream he need to stay connect to Ryan. Needed to feel him in a way that Eric never needed before. Eric sighed as this time it was his hands ghosting over Ryan's waist and resting on those jean clad hips. The music stopped and instead Eric was listening to Ryan's voice. 

"You know I'm glad I saw you guys." 

'No, no.' Eric thought, shutting his eyes as Ryan started to move away from him. He didn't want to be reminded of the conversation he had with Ryan yesterday. 

"It's probably better this way." 

Eric wasn't going to just let Ryan go, even if it was just a dream. He tightened his grip on Ryan's waist and tried to pull him closer. 

"Ryan." Eric heard the plea in his voice, and he wasn't even sure what he was pleading for. 

"Office relationships, almost always, end badly." That was the last thing Eric heard in Ryan's voice before he woke up. 

Eric groaned as he awoke alone in his bed; his mind instantly started to go over the dream that he had. He turned to his side and looked over at the clock on his bedside table. The soft blue light informing him it was only 5:36 in the morning. 

Eric rolled on to his back and stared at his ceiling. This wasn't like him. Eric hadn't had a dream revolving around another person since he was in high school and way too horny for his own good. It left him dazed and confused, which were not feelings he liked. 

If it were anyone but Ryan, Eric might have convinced himself that he could get rid of this feeling, at the very least, by sleeping with the person. But it was Ryan. He and Ryan had worked their way to some weird truce; it was an odd, overly professional, and, at times, antagonizing friendship that they had between them. Granted, it was probably Eric's fault he was where he stood with Ryan; when Ryan first came on to the team Eric wasn't the most understanding of people. And even if you could never get Eric to admit it aloud, he didn't want to risk what he had with Ryan.

At around six o'clock Eric finally decided to get up, shift was going to start in two hours or so and he wasn't going to get anymore sleep. 

~*~*~  
Ryan noticed two things the next day about Eric: One, Eric was treating him differently. Two, Eric was trying not to let it show. Ryan was completely in the dark as to the reason for Eric’s behavior. While they were at their crime scene Eric didn't say a word to him that wasn't case related beside 'Hello'. Ryan found himself missing the banter between the two of them and when Ryan tried to get Eric to talk, Eric just shrugged and said he was going to do a walk around the perimeter. 

Once they got back to the crime lab and after they left off some evidence with Natalia, Ryan thought he understood why Eric was acting so odd. Ryan never had proof before that Boa Vista was a sadist, until today. Did she truly have to tease him about that in front of Eric of all people? It was bad enough that Eric saw that and was now uncomfortable around him but now Boa Vista had to tease him about it right in front of Eric. The fact that Eric wasn't joining in on the tease Ryan till he blushes party was starting to worry Ryan. 

This was turning into to one of those days that just bites you in the ass. Ryan might not have minded Boa Vista's teasing about getting laid that day if he had actually gotten laid. He was all set up that night but it seems that moaning another man's name was a turn off for some people. Ryan just couldn't help it, as soon as things got heated his mind started to substitute the man for person Ryan really wanted. The unknown hands became Eric's hands. The lips registered to him as Eric's lips. It might have help bring him back to reality if the guy didn't have his hair cut the same way as Eric's. Ryan didn't know how close Eric and Boa Vista were. What if they had heard that? Was that why Eric was being so standoffish today? 

Latter that day when they were driving to a suspect's place to work, Ryan decided that it was as good a time as any to try to make sure that Eric wasn't going to suddenly blow up at him. 

"Uh… Eric," Was Ryan's great conversation starter.

"Yeah."

"About what you might have heard last night- You… I hope-" 

Eric apparently thought he understood where this conversation was going. "Listen Ryan I don't have a problem with you being gay if that's what you're trying to ask. Or bi if that is the case." The last part was added like an afterthought. 

The words may have been cold but Eric's voice was anything but, leaving Ryan both confused and relieved. He was more confused than anything else though. So did this mean that Eric didn't know? Or did he know and not mind? Or was Ryan just reading too much into this? 

"I just want to be sure that it isn't going to affect anything at work because you've been…" 

Eric frowned. "Ryan I have a lot on my mind. Sorry if you thought it was because I was uncomfortable around you because of that." 

"Okay. So we're good." 

"Yeah, we're good.”

Ryan mentally berated himself; what made him think it that he was the reason that Eric was acting so strange anyway? Why not just blurt out that he was attracted to him while he was at it? Get his foot so far into his mouth that it would be impossible to ever dislodge, wouldn't that be fun. Ryan decided it was probably best not to say anything else for the rest of the ride over, and started staring out the window 

~*~*~

Eric was more upset at himself then anything else. He was normally more in control of his own feelings, but it as if the floodgates had opened and on the other side was Ryan Wolfe. The man was sneakier then anyone gave him credit for. Eric had no clue when he actually fallen for Ryan but it had to have happened before last night because how else could you explain the way that he felt when Ryan was near him at work. The club scene may have forced Eric to confront these feeling but they didn't stem from there. 

He felt he was working two cases, one with Ryan and one about what Ryan meant to him. How he felt couldn't be relegated to the corner of simple lust no matter how much he wanted it to be. Lust he could handle; lust he could get over quickly and know that nothing was going to change between him and Ryan. But this, whatever it was he was feeling, made him unsure of what to do next. This made him worry that he was going to turn around and find that what he wanted was so far out of his reach it was laughable. 

He surprised himself when, after work, he found himself heading to The Forum again that night. Eric tried not to think about why he was there this time. There was no one here forcing him to come this time and he had no intention of a random hook up, that night at least. But there Eric was, sitting at the bar and staring intently at the dance floor, looking for someone who he no reason to believe was there. Eric was so engrossed in his own thoughts that it took him a while to notice when someone came over next to him and gestured to the bartender. 

"The usual?" The bartend asked.

"I suppose."

Eric looked over and recognized that face; it was the guy form last night. Was it possible for this to get worse? Eric thought about getting up and moving but decided against it. Eavesdropping may be a bad habit but really, given the close proximity, he couldn't help it. He turned back to the dance floor and took another sip of his drink. 

"What's wrong, after what I saw last night I'd think you'd be in a good mood?" 

"Yeah, well sorry."

"Come on man, you know you have to give me more than that. So what happened with you and that pretty boy after you left?"

"You weren't paying attention, were you? I didn't leave with him, so the answer is: Nothing. I really don't want to talk about it." 

Eric frowned at that. He could only assume the pretty boy they were talking about was Ryan, not that he had much actual empirical evidence to go on. As much as he didn't want to admit it, from what he saw last night, he wasn't surprised when Natalia made the assumption that Ryan had slept with the man. Apparently he, Natalia, and the bartender got it wrong. 

"Whoa, you serious? I mean the way you two were on the dance floor, I thought--" 

"Yeah, well call it vain of me, but I'm not about to be a substitute for someone else in bed." 

The bar tender's laugh, covered over Eric's small groan. So that meant that Ryan either had someone or was in love with someone else. Eric was starting to feel all the greater a fool.

"Substitute huh?"

"Glad that amuses you." 

"Hey don't take it personally, if I knew that I wouldn't have pushed you. I mean he always comes here by himself…So I take you heard the others guys name?" 

"Yeah, why?"

"Just curious, anyone we know?"

"People don't normally call out full names." 

"So is part of the name of anyone we know."

Eric didn't know what would be worst knowing the name of the person Ryan wanted or not knowing. Not knowing had far more appeal right at that moment but Eric couldn't seem to get his body to agree with him on that one. 

"Eric something," Came the disgruntled, barely audible, reply. 

"You sure it's not Ericson. Because I saw him talk with Derrick a couple a weeks ago." 

"No there was no -son at the end, it was Eric. Can we change the subject?" 

"Touc--hy. Alright, changing the subject…"  
Eric stopped listening after that. Eavesdropping maybe a bad habit but man did it bring good results.

~*~*~ 

The little cloud that Eric was floating on since he had overheard the conversation was quickly dissipating in the face of rational pessimism. Eric had made two assumptions about the conversation, neither of which he could prove on the evidence he had now. One that they were talking about Ryan and two that the Eric the stranger said Ryan wanted was him. He wanted to go with his gut and believe that he had a chance with Ryan but he had no evidence 

Truth be told, Eric liked knowing how the other person felt before he threw himself into something. That was, in a twisted way, why a lot of his non-work relationships were actually very shallow. If he had a better idea of how Ryan felt he wouldn’t be so nervous over all this. But the fact was, Eric wasn't really sure how Ryan felt and there was no way he was just going to ask "Do you love me?" Fist the question was a stupid one. Second he didn't know what he would do if the answer was no. 

Eric was just about ready to talk himself out of acting on what he heard, when he heard a change in the bartenders tone. 

“Hey, looks like the pretty boy’s back again tonight. You going to try your luck again?” 

Eric looked up to see Ryan at the other end of the dance club. Ryan had changed out of what he had worn to work into a long sleeved T-shirt that clung to his arms and torso in all the right ways and a pair of denim jeans that weren’t as tight as the ones he wore the other night but still showed off his nice form. Eric swallowed hard at the sight and got up, making a bee line straight for Ryan. He wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do, but if he didn’t do it he would be kicking himself. 

~*~*~ 

Ryan was looking around the club when his eyes fell upon a very intent Eric walking up to him. Ryan suddenly had the strangest urge to turn around and head back out, but he quickly pushed that thought out of his mind. Eric stopped right in front of him and before Ryan could even get out a ‘Hello, funny seeing you here.’ Eric asked “Can I talk to you for a sec?” 

Ryan nodded dumbly. Eric nodded back and led Ryan out of the club, taking a firm but gentle hold of Ryan’s forearm as he did so. 

“Is there a reason we can’t talk in here?” Ryan asked when he got his mouth working again. 

“It’s too loud in there.” It was pretty obvious that wasn’t the reason, but Ryan decided to let it drop. Eric had a reason. 

Once outside Eric lead him to the side of the club, giving them a sense of privacy away from the group of people mingling right in front of the club. 

Eric seemed reluctant to let go of Ryan but he did and planted himself right in front of Ryan. Whatever Eric had to say Ryan could tell that it wasn’t planned. Eric seemed nervous, which in itself was unusual. Eric always seemed to be in charge, of himself if nothing else. That was one thing that Ryan admired about him. Eric looked directly into Ryan’s eyes, his brown eyes searching for something in Ryan’s face. 

Ryan held his gaze for a bit before having to look away. He looked at a spot on the sidewalk wondering when Eric was going to say something. Ryan opened his mouth to ask Eric what this was all about. 

“Ryan.” Eric’s voice made Ryan look up at him again. Those brown eyes were still searching for something. Ryan’s heart was beating louder in his chest. Eric must have seen something because he nodded and continued on. 

“Ryan, if I were to kiss you, what would you do?” 

Ryan gave a visible start to the question and Eric watched as Ryan seemed to grapple with the meaning behind Eric’s question. It appeared that he didn’t get what Eric wanted him to get, and Eric watched as Ryan’s jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed slightly. 

“Eric that isn’t funny.” He finally answered his voice tight. 

Okay, Eric was probably going to get punched for what he was going to do next but his body acted on its own as he took a step towards Ryan. Without missing a beat, Ryan took a step back as well and felt the cool brick wall of the club behind him. 

“I’m not trying to make a joke here Ryan,” Eric said, taking another step towards him. “I’m serious, what would you do if,” Eric rested his hand on the wall on either side of Ryan, and Ryan’s expression went from angry to hopelessly confused, “If I kissed you, right now?” 

Ryan couldn’t think with Eric looking at him like that, so he took to looking at a spot right about Eric’s left shoulder and tried to get his breathing under control so Eric wouldn’t see how much he affected him. He was sure Eric could hear how his heart was pounding quickly. 

Ryan could feel that lopsided smile Eric had forming, which effectively began to shut down his cognitive reasoning skills. Eric took one of his hands, the left Ryan noted, and brought it up to cup Ryan’s cheek. 

“Ryan, look at me.” Eric’s voice coaxed. 

Ryan slowly looked back up at Eric, his eyes full of disbelief and hope. Eric took his time, making sure that Ryan got the picture this time. He let his hand glide down, his fingers skimmed over Ryan’s neck. Ryan barely stifled a moan at the soft touch elicited. Eric leaned forward and touched his lips to Ryan’s. 

Ryan’s eyes fluttered close at the intimate contact, his hands, which were clutched by his sides, unclenched and slid up Eric’s back. Eric grinned against Ryan’s lips -It seemed he had his answer. - and deepened the kiss. 

Eric had wanted to take his time building up the intensity of the kiss, but he didn’t expect Ryan to take control of the kiss. Not that he fought it when Ryan’s tongue licked at the bottom of his lip; in fact he opened his mouth in response to the silent demand. Eric tried to pull Ryan closer to him as he felt the other tongue glide over his own and start to explore his mouth. 

Everything felt sharply defined to Eric. He was aware of everywhere his body was touching Ryan’s, whether there were clothing in the way or not. Ryan’s hands were running over his back and around his waist. Eric worked on memorizing the feel of Ryan’s lean muscles against his own body. 

In an effort to get closer than humanly possible to Ryan, Eric pushed his thigh between Ryan’s legs and in doing so he felt a definite hard bulge pushed up against his hip. Ryan gasped in an attempt to swallow another moan as Eric ground against his denim-clad erection with just the right amount of pressure. 

Eric took advantage of Ryan’s temporary distraction to start his own exploration of Ryan’s sweet mouth. Eric grabbed at the side of Ryan’s shirt and began to pull it up; wanting, needing to feel more of Ryan’s skin. 

Ryan didn’t feel hot or cold and touching his skin didn’t send electricity through Eric’s body; Ryan just felt perfect under Eric’s hand. Eric somehow got his hand maneuvered between their bodies and under Ryan’s shirt. He deftly undid the top button of Ryan’s jeans with every intention of getting that zipper undone as well, when Ryan started and his hands, which were a second ago wrapped around Eric, were now pushing him away. Eric was surprised by the force that Ryan pushed him away and there was an arms length of distance between them before he had time to react. 

“I can’t,” Ryan said before Eric could even open his mouth. “I can’t do this.” 

Ryan was leaning heavily against the wall looking like they had done so much more than kiss. Even if that was the hottest kiss Eric could even remember right now. 

“Don’t get me wrong, but you just were doing it.” Eric said trying to keep his voice light, but he could hear his own breathlessness. 

Ryan shook his head not meeting Eric’s gaze. “You’re with Boa Vista.” 

“We’re not exclusive.” Eric said automatically. 

Ryan looked directly at him, eyes flashing dangerously. Eric knew he had said the wrong thing. 

“And that makes this alright?” The words were more or less spit out. “Did it ever occur to you that some people might not want something to be ‘no strings attached’?” 

“Ryan I-” Eric tried to apologize; tried to fix this. 

“Some people might just like strings. I’ve been through enough going-no-where-relationships to know that’s not what I want. I can’t be your male version of Boa Vista and I won’t be just another one of your 'up against the wall, one night only' fucks.” Ryan took off from the ally at a brisk pace, not waiting for Eric to respond. By the time Eric had enough presence of mind to realize how thoroughly fucked up things had gotten, Ryan was already closing the door to a cab. And by the time Eric had run out to the sidewalk, the cab had already turned at the light down the street. 

~*~*~ 

Once Ryan was back in his apartment, he allowed himself to wonder why he had thought it would a good idea to go out again that night. All the way back Ryan had tried to push away the impulse to tell the driver of the cab to turn around so he could go back and continue what he and Delko had been doing. But if there was one fault Ryan would grudgingly admit to, it was pride and his pride wouldn’t allow that. Ryan did not want to be another lay for Eric, he probably wouldn’t be able to work with Eric if that were to become the case, but he didn’t think that there could be any other reason for Eric’s behavior that night. Ryan kept telling himself that he just had to get over his crush on him and keep things professional between the two of them. 

Ryan lay down heavily on his bed and covered his eyes with one of his arms and tried not to think about Eric. He tried not to think about how completely stupid he felt for turning Eric away when he had him, right there in front of him. He tried not to think about Eric’s lips, which were probably the softest lips that Ryan had ever kissed. Ryan also tried not the think about the way Eric had pulled Ryan into him as if he needed to be closer to Ryan while they kissed. Ryan tried valiantly not to think about the way Eric tasted. Or the way his hands felt on his skin. Ryan tried not to think about all this and failed miserably. 

Remembering Eric’s kiss brought back Ryan’s hardon and Ryan didn’t think it was going to go away by itself this time, no matter how depressed he felt. He felt pathetic as he reached down with his hand to undo the top button of his jeans. It was already undone. Ryan gave a small humorless laugh to the empty room as he remembered why the top button was already undone. He pulled down the zipper of his jeans and lifted his hips so he could shove his pants and shorts down with one hand; he didn’t bother to take them all the way off. 

He could have had Eric here; he thought bitterly taking his erection firmly in his hand. It could have been Eric’s hand touching him. Ryan roughly and quickly jerked himself off. He tried not to let himself enjoy it but thoughts of that night mingled with a fantasy in which he didn’t push Eric away. His mind brings Eric to him in sharper focus then he remembered before. Ryan could almost feel the weight of Eric’s body against his own again. The closer it came to ending the harder it became to distinguish the feelings that were brought on by the memory of that night and those that were enhanced by the fantasy. When Ryan came, Eric’s name slipped out between his lips in a strangled cry. 

After a minute of lying there on the bed, Ryan started to get up and strip off his clothes. He dropped them into a hamper that stood in the corner of room before going into the adjoining bathroom. His brain had gone on to autopilot as he turned on the shower. He didn’t want to think about what he had just done or what it meant or anything. He had done enough thinking for that night. Once he got out of the shower and dried off, he pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and a plain white undershirt before turning around and staring at the bed. He didn’t even realize when he started to take off all the sheets so he could re-make it. It was when he was putting on new sheets that he realized just how screwed he really was. Yeah right, he was going to get over his crush on Eric, and tomorrow he was going to wake up and no longer be OCD. Ryan blinked back angry tears folding the old sheets so that he could set them aside to be washed. He wasn’t even sure why he was angry. Yes he did know why, he was angry at himself because he couldn’t be happy with just Eric’s body and it wasn’t likely that was going to be able to get more then that. 

Ryan sighed and looked over his bedroom; he was too tried to stay angry, upset or anything else for that matter but he still wasn’t tried enough to sleep just yet. Ryan shook his head and walked out of his room to go clean his gun. 

~*~*~ 

Eric mentally knew that it wasn’t Boa Vista’s fault that Ryan had the weirdest set of standards he had ever had to come up against; therefore not her fault that Ryan had left him hard, confused and, of all things, feeling guilty last night. He knew that, but that didn’t stop him from irrationally being a little angry at her the next day. 

He couldn’t hold on to that anger though, Natalia was a good friend. Though this was one time he wished he could be angry with her because then he wouldn’t be so damned depressed over where things had landed with him and Ryan. 

He did not regret kissing Ryan, he didn’t think could ever regret kissing Ryan. But what he did regret was that, not only did it look like he would never get to kiss Ryan again, his comfortable, antagonizing, professional friendship had lost the comfortable, antagonizing and friend aspects of it. 

Eric had thought that there were times before when Ryan was overly professional but that was nothing to how he was acting with Eric now. Professional. With a capital P, the i’s dotted and if the word had any t’s they would be crossed. 

Eric had tried to apologize while they worked a scene together but Ryan cut him off quick and said, “We don’t have to talk about it, and we don’t have to let it affect our working relationship. No harm, no foul.” 

That was all that seemed to be left between them a working relationship. Eric felt like shit and had no clue of how to fix this. He shook his head and told himself to start concentrating on his work. He couldn’t afford to be continually obsessing over Ryan; he could obsess over Ryan after shift. 

Eric walked down to the autopsy room looking for Alexx, his mind spilt between thoughts of Ryan and questions he needed Alexx to answer in relation to the case he was working. He was about to enter the room when he heard Ryan’s voice flutter out through the ajar door of the room. 

“--That everything, Alexx?” 

“Should be honey. You’ll know more when the toxic results get back.” 

“Well then, I should get this to H.” 

“Wait a minute.” 

“Hmmm.” 

“You okay, dear?” 

Eric hadn’t realized he had stopped a foot or so away from the door until right then. He considered going in the room but he couldn’t get his feet to agree with him on this one. 

“I’m fine.” Ryan’s voice was guarded like it was when he was talking to Eric earlier that day. It hurt to hear that, even when it wasn’t directed at him. 

“Honey does this have something to do with Eric?”

Eric jumped a little at the sound of his own name. He hadn’t seen Alexx at all today and didn’t understand completely how she could make the connection between Ryan being down today and Eric. Eric decided he really had to either stop eavesdropping on other people's conversations or do it more often; otherwise he’d just get more confused. 

Ryan didn’t say anything for a second and Eric thought he was going to deny it but as it turned out Ryan knew better than to try that with Alexx. “Didn’t I ask you to stop reading my mind?” He asked in a sad joking voice. 

Alexx didn’t sound put off when she replied “I make an exception when I deem it necessary.” 

Ryan gave a short bark like laugh. “Yeah. It has to do with Eric.” 

“Want to elaborate honey?” Eric could hear that it wasn’t really a question.

Ryan hesitated for a second before he sighed and gave Alexx the answer she wanted. “Last night I went out and Eric was there.” He answered carefully, taking his time with every word so he wouldn’t have to repeat himself. “And he kissed me.” 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Alexx asked after she took in what Ryan had said. 

“It should have been.” 

It should have been? Eric had thought Ryan couldn’t have confused him more than he already was. It should have been? If Alexx didn’t ask Ryan to clarify that Eric would walk in there and do so.

“I don’t follow you.” Alexx said. 

“Alexx,” Ryan sighed and Eric could hear him sit down heavily. “I know myself. I’ve tried, in the past, to be with someone who was seeing other people and I couldn’t do it. I get jealous. When I’m with someone I want to know that they’re with me. Eric’s-- Everyone knows he has something with Boa Vista. How would I-- I’d -- I’d just never know with him.” 

“Baby,” Alexx sounded like she was trying to wrap a hug up all in one word. She might have said more to Ryan to comfort him but Eric heard Ryan get up. 

“I should go. County workers don’t get paid to sit around and contemplate their love life or lack there of.” 

Ryan’s footsteps started towards the door and Eric quickly pushed aside the small bubble of panic at possibly being caught listening in on their conversation. Trying to act completely normal, he took the last couple of steps to the door of the autopsy room and opened the door before Ryan got to the door. 

He didn’t know if he cussed outloud as Ryan barely gave him a quick nod before averting his eyes and walking right on past Eric.

If he hadn’t just overheard the conversation between Ryan and Alexx Eric would have wondered why Alexx was glaring daggers at him. Eric tried not to look guilty and concentrate on work. He asked his questions, to which Alexx gave short, quick, and accurate responses. She acted like she wanted to get Eric out of her autopsy room, her glare never easing off him. Just as Eric was about to leave Alexx stopped him. 

“Yes?” He asked hand on the door, turning halfway to look back at her. 

“I’m warning you right now. Don’t hurt Ryan.” 

Eric turned around fully to look Alexx square in the eyes. He didn’t know what to say to her. He wasn’t surprised that she was warning him about hurting Ryan, maybe at her timing. Ryan was after all her baby, she mothered him mercilessly. She was somewhere between a mother, a big sister, and a best friend for Ryan so her treating Eric this way after seeing how he had affected Ryan was understandable. She didn’t want to see her baby looking so sad. Well neither did Eric. He didn’t know how to tell her that. Anything he said would sound stupid. He can’t say he won’t hurt Ryan as clearly he already had. Eric kept searching for the right words to explain this to Alexx but realized it wasn't necessary when her eyes softened in understanding and she gave him a wary nod. 

“If you’re serious about him,” she started off saying. 

“I am.” Eric interrupted her. He didn’t even realize how serious he was until he heard himself say those two words. 

“Then I suggest you make an effort and talk to him. Soon. Because I know my baby and he won’t believe that anything can happen between the two you until you prove to him otherwise.” 

Eric nodded as he rolled Alexx’s words around in his head. 

“Just one thing Eric,” She said to get his full attention back. Waiting until he was looking at her again before continuing. Her gaze was mixture of gentleness and granite. “If you’re going to be with him, then be with him. Do you understand?” 

“I understand,” He told Alexx. Eric just had to make Ryan see that he understood that as well. 

Alexx gave a heavy sigh and waved Eric out of the autopsy room, her soft voice following the closing the door. “For Ryan’s sake, I hope you do.” 

~*~*~ 

Eric half forgot about work right about then, the foremost thought in his mind was about Ryan and how he could prove to Ryan that he was serious about this. He decided the first thing he had to do was talk to Natalia. His sorta-kinda-not really a relationship had almost screwed things up once and he wasn’t about to let Ryan get a second change to use that against him. 

Natalia was running DNA in the lab when he found her and when Eric walked in she smiled at him. 

“Well you’re all over the map today.” She said. 

Eric looked at her confused by what she said. She only smiled brighter at his oblivious confusion. She took pity on him and explained, “This morning you seemed to be mad, quickly regressing into depressed. And I swear it looked like you were pining over Ryan the few times I saw you two in the same room. And now you look like you couldn’t stop grinning if your life depended on it.”

Eric took a second to realize that he was grinning and Natalia was right, he probably couldn’t stop grinning. He had a chance with Ryan if he played his cards right, if that wasn’t grin worthy nothing was. 

“Pining?” Was the first thing that came out Eric’s mouth in response to Natalia’s little description of his moods throughout the day. 

“Not saying that you were,” Said quickly, she didn’t think Eric was offended by what she said. He was still grinning if that was anything to go by, but it never hurt to be clear. “But that’s what it looked like.” 

Natalia noticed that Eric had that look in his eyes that told her that she was just about to let in on something big if she paid attention to what he said, “What if that’s what I was doing?” Eric asked her. 

Natalia blinked and gave Eric a questioning look. “You… and Ryan?” She asked back skeptically. 

Eric tried to keep his voice easy but he really needed Natalia to get this and he hopped that she wouldn’t hate him too much for this. “Well not yet but I hope it’s not that hard to believe, is it?” 

Natalia blinked and looked closely at Eric. The thing between her and Eric never really did get serious, but it could have. Up to now it had all been flirting, which while fun she found wasn't that big of a thing. Eric was looking unsure of himself, which was something she had never seen before and if Ryan could to that to Eric, it was probably something Eric needed. Natalia smiled as she realized that while yes she was gonna regret that things with Eric never went further, it wasn't something that she was going be upset about. Besides, she liked Ryan. 

"You better be glad I like Ryan and don't mind being dumped for him." She teased. 

Eric laughed at that gave Natalia a shy lopsided smile. "Thanks, Natalia. You know-" 

She waved her hand in magnanimous gesture, stopping Eric from continuing his verbal Dear John letter. "Yes. Yes. Now was there something else that you needed?" 

Eric nodded at change of subject and decided it would be prudent to let the matter drop for now.

~*~*~

There were times in Ryan’s life where he wished he wasn’t OCD and then there were times like these where he was sure that his mild case of OCD was the only thing keeping him going until his brain decided to get back to him. The only reason he got any sleep last night was due to his OCD not allowing him to run himself into the ground the way that he wanted to. 

And even now at work Ryan knew that being OCD was probably the only thing keeping his mind firmly on the case before and not on Eric. Ryan could feel the times that Eric was watching him while he worked in the lab but it didn’t happen that often and most of the time Ryan could ignore it. When he couldn’t, he suddenly found work that had to be done elsewhere. For the time being, Ryan just tried to concentrate only on the job. And it worked for the most part, Horatio didn’t seem to notice anything different with Ryan or maybe he had and that was why he didn’t push him to work with Eric that day. H worked in mysterious ways but he was the best boss that Ryan could have ever hoped for. Alexx wasn’t fooled at all. She knew something was wrong with her boy and Ryan didn’t even try to hide what he was feeling from her. He had learned that it wouldn’t work with her long ago and he wasn’t about back track. 

Alexx also knew about his long standing crush on his fellow CSI and Ryan didn’t have to say much for her to know what was wrong with him. It felt good to say what he had been thinking out loud for once. He was even calm enough that the sudden presence of said CSI did not completely throw him for a loop when Ryan just about ran into him so soon after his talk with Alexx. 

Ryan sighed and tiredly put away his belongs in his dented locker. He had never been so glad that his shift was over. He could ignore how bone-tried he was while working but once his shift ended it was a different story. It was surprising how much energy it took to ignore Eric. Ryan walked out of the lab, wanting nothing more than to go home and sulk. Yes, sulking sounded like a really good idea right about then. 

Except as Ryan got to his car in the parking lo.t he found that he wasn’t going to be able to put his plan of sulking the night away to action just yet. Eric was leaning, seemingly undisturbed, against Ryan’s car. A flash of irrational anger shot through Ryan at the presence of Eric and he tighten his grip a little on the keys in his hand. A large part of that anger came form the fact that Eric looked so sure of himself as he stood there waiting. Ryan shook his head clear of annoyance he was feeling and wondered where the heck Eric got all that damnable, sexy self assurance from. 

“Delko.” Ryan greeted when Eric looked up to see him walking towards him, attempting to keep his voice neutral of emotion. 

“Ryan.” Eric’s grin at the sight of Ryan quickly melted away as he took in the tenseness that was apparent in Ryan’s body. Now was not the time to mess up because Ryan obviously didn’t want to talk but Eric knew if anything was going to happen they would have to talk.

“You’re blocking my car.” Ryan sounded both curious and like he didn’t want Eric to explain what he was doing at the same time.

“Ryan I thought we should talk-”

“Delko, it’s been a long day, maybe tomorrow.” It sounded like they wouldn’t be talking tomorrow either if Ryan had his way.

“Right.” Eric said disbelievingly. He wasn’t going to give up that easily. “We could go out for a beer and talk if you want. But I really think we need to get this sorted out. Today.”

Ryan sighed and looked over the parking lot; as if a distraction or a reason to say no was somewhere among the parked mid-size vehicles and CSI hummers. It wasn’t.

“Alright, let’s talk then.” Ryan said.

Now it was Eric’s turn to be annoyed. He really should have expected Ryan to act like this. Ryan didn’t have any good expectations of what was going to come out of this conversation but Eric was still damn annoyed with his avoidance.

So he did the fist thing that came to mind; he stepped forward and grabbed Ryan’s face in his hands and kissed the man.

At first, Ryan tried to pull back but the feel of Eric’s lips against his own brought him right back to last night. Instead of pulling away Ryan found himself wrapping his arms around Eric’s waist and stepping closer into the embrace himself.

Eric’s hands moved upward and carded through Ryan’s hair as he deepened the kiss. Sucking on Ryan’s bottom lip as he quite quickly forgot just where the two of them were. 

They were both brought back to reality at the jingling sound of a set of keys falling to the ground right behind Eric. The two men jumped apart, breathing heavily.

Eric looked down and spotted Ryan’s keys near the inside of his left shoe. He stepped back and bent down to pick them up. Giving himself time to think about what he was going to say after that. Then he stood back up he noticed Ryan looking at him with a look of confusion that was rapidly turning into anger if Eric didn’t head it off.

“You’re not a replacement for anyone.” Eric blurted out.

Ryan blinked and gaped at Eric.

“Natalia doesn’t mean to me anywhere close to what you mean to me. And I want there to be an ‘us’.” Eric continued quickly before Ryan had a chance to say anything. “Strings and everything.”

There it was, out in the open. Not the most eloquent speech Eric had ever given but it was all he could think to say to Ryan at the moment.

Ryan seemed stunned for a moment and then looked down and shook his head. “Eric- I- I just don’t--”

Eric’s heart jumped to his throat, “Please Ryan.” He stopped and cleared his throat hoping he sounded less panicked then he was. “Please just give me a chance?”

It was the please that did it. Ryan looked up and slowly gave Eric a small almost smile, that bordered on a smirk for anyone else. “Alright. How ‘bout tomorrow after work?”

Eric smiled back and handed over Ryan’s keys. “Tomorrow.” 

~*~*~

At the end of the first date Eric kissed Ryan as chastely as possible, given the circumstances, and asked for a second date. By the end of third date Ryan was sure enough of Eric to invite him in coffee. And by the time three weeks had passed, Ryan had no more doubts in his mind where he stood with Eric Delko. 

Ryan had Eric's apartment almost as neat as his own, given the amount of time that he spent over at Eric's place it was necessary. Even rumors in the lab about the two of them didn't seem to affect either of them. Eric just smiled and shook his head when he heard of them. Ryan would normally try to bring the subject around to what ever case was being worked on if a person tried to talk to him about it. Except if it was Alexx. Alexx of course knew exactly what was going between the boys as did Natalia but nether of them were saying a thing. 

A month and a half into the relationship H gave them both the day off with secret little smile on his face that clearly said that they had no secrets from him. Though none of them commented on what that secret could possibly be. Eric asked Ryan, with what could only be called a dirty leer, what he wanted to do with his day off that morning. Ryan smiled back at him and said they should go to the movies before heading out of bed to make breakfast while Eric was still trying to reconcile: that going to the movies with your lover was not spending the day in bed with your lover. 

Eric got over it quickly; either way he was spending the whole day with Ryan without having work in the way. Eric was smiling as he drove to the theater with Ryan sitting the passenger seat; he loved his job but Ryan could be distracting when he wanted to be. But when both the girl at the ticket booth, the women who validated their tickets at the front and the boy at the concession stand both flirted with Ryan, Eric wasn't smiling. It seemed thought that the glare that had served him well in the interrogation room for so many years were ineffective against the masses who were suddenly gifted with sight and realized just how attractive Ryan Wolfe was. 

"I know this isn't how you thought you were going to spend your day Eric, but I didn't think that it was that bad of an idea." Ryan's voice pulled Eric out of his glaring mood. 

Though he probably didn't mean for him to hear it, Eric heard the tiny note of uncertainty in Ryan's voice. "Well- I haven't seen a movie in the theaters for a long time. And come to think of it; the last time I was in a movie theater was when I was processing it as a crime scene." 

Ryan laughed, “Then we had to come. If only to remind you what movie theaters are here for.”

“And that would be?” Eric asked.

Ryan gave Eric a smirk and made sure Eric eyes were on trained on him as he wrapped his lips around the straw of his Coke and sucked. “What do you think, Eric?” Ryan asked after he finished.

Eric tried pulled his mind away from thoughts of pulling Ryan into a corner and kissing him senseless, in order to answer him. Eric wondered if he would stop getting mental freeze caused solely by Ryan. It didn’t seem likely he would ever get over how sensual the other man could be.

Ryan laughed and took Eric’s hand, amused by Eric’s inability to answer. “Come on the movies going to start soon.”

Eric smiled as well and walked alongside Ryan.

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Not Jealous   
> Author: Kei_rin (aka Cay)  
> Fandom: CSI: Miami  
> Pairing: Eric/Ryan  
> Rating: R  
> Warnings: Spoilers for the episode Silencer. Bit of angst.  
> Summary: Eric and Ryan eventually get together. Eventually.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this long fic.  
> A/N: Thank you to sunhawk for the uber beta job. ^_^ Originally, this was suppose to be a drabble that was only the first three paragraphs, it ended up being about 20 pages and 9,510 words. *gah* The ending might not be exactly what I wanted but it works for me. ^_^ Enjoy.


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